Home for the Holidays
What to Expect When Your Student Comes Home for the Holidays

By Debra Cox-Howard, Counseling & Psychological Services

Going home for Winter Break can be an exciting and trying time for students and parents alike.  As parents and family, you have adjusted to your student not being there. For freshmen, this may be the first time that they have come home since starting college, and they may be accustomed to doing things on their own such as staying up without someone telling them when to go to bed, coming and going as they please, and having a messy room without being "nagged" about it. This can also be a time of exhilaration or frustration. Sometimes, both happen at the same time. The bottom line is, your student coming home for the holidays is usually a matter of expectations. These expectations of what the break will be like can be very different for the parent, family and student.

Parents and family often approach the holidays with nostalgia and a sense of loss. For some, they are determined to keep the "family traditions" intact. Some parents and families are excited at the prospect of spending a longer period of time with their student, and put much work into preparing unusually festive holiday trappings in anticipation. The student may look forward to these traditions as well, but may find themselves conflicted due to new invitations, new friends and new ways to spend their time off away from school. Also, the student may be concerned about coming home and wondering what has changed, how to answer everyone’s questions, and not want to appear that they are "stressed out" from the rigors of school. For most, they are returning home for the holidays still bearing the stress and weariness of finals, grades and the end of the semester.

The following tips can help make Winter Break as stress-free and as enjoyable as possible:

1. Ask your student what he/she is looking forward to. Discuss your plans and ask your student what is important to them.
2. Be flexible. Try to maintain holiday traditions that are important to your family, but know that you may need to postpone or change certain activities to accommodate your college student’s schedule.
3. Remember, you may have lots of holiday plans, but your student may have little to contribute. You may have to let your student set the pace as they are beginning to bounce back from the end of semester weariness.
4. If you are divorced or separated, try to have holiday plans worked out in advance so your student doesn’t feel caught in the middle. Communicate these plans prior to your student’s arrival home.
5. Discuss what the house rules have been in the past and how they could be changed now that the student has been living away from home. Use this as an opportunity to negotiate.

Remember, this break time is an opportunity for your student to rest and restore himself or herself for the rest of the year. With a little planning and awareness, you can minimize the stress and maximize the enjoyment of your holidays.

Debra Cox-Howard can be contacted via email at parentsmatter@arizona.edu